As time passes, the less certain I become. I used to be sure, I used to have an absolute image in my mind that I had a future in photography. I’d scoff at people dropping their passion because if you just got at it enough I thought, you’d make it. Somebody would notice. The problem is that constantly trying to make people aware that you exist can be exhausting.
I’ve recently dropped what should have been a “good” job. Product photography for a supplier of numerous well-known UK retailers. The issues were typical, shitty pay, and shitty management. I wanted to grow in that role, but waking up and trekking each and every day to be rewarded with peanuts is draining. Any passion or desire to improve is slowly chipped away. Not being paid enough for your work is exhausting.
I don’t know how people do it, how do you do menial work, day in and day out, for so little reward? How do you spend all of your time and energy building something for somebody else for nothing to show for it? It’s a struggle. In my perspective, if I’m shooting for peanuts, at least I’m gaining some knowledge, something new to my skillset. But after a short time, I know I can do it and I mentally check out if there’s no real incentive, what else is there? Should I stay and waste a few years for a thumbs up from my ex-employer? Fuck that. I’ve got a life to live.
Everybody is struggling, everybody is desperate. Everybody should be fed up of this bullshit. My country is in tatters, it’s falling apart, it’s time to leave, to find something else. This isn’t enough. I’ve got to eat. I’m starving.